I should of said something, all i want to do is waste time with you, if only for a moment, if only a touch, if only an exchange of words. just as long as i can hear your voice if even from a distance. as is sit here and i pound the keys searching for a way to rid myself of these feelings that have gathered inside me. all i can do is dream. You are gone. and so am I. I live only for you, nothing can compare, everything is broken, it is far beyond repair. so easily taken care of by a razor and a strong ambition to die. but it is in fear of losing you rather than myself that i drop the blade and begin to cry. and as i hold my face over the sink and splash my face with cool water I wish you were here, here instead of there with "him". my body aches from lack of you, I'm cursed by your hexen.

I cannot breath air only your words. I cannot see anything but your face.

but then again I'm drunk.

I miss you Lindsay

- Blue and Yellow - The used

In memory of Lindsay

You always said goodnight, you always say goodbye, but you never said I love you. I gave you everything, inside and out, yet it was never enough. and as i sit here and I see you leave for the first time, and the last at the same time, the only thing that I can remeber is that of our last moment. when I looked into your eyes and I felt the tips of your hair upon my forehead. tickling my brow. you turn your back as you slowly walk out the door, you walk in unsion with my tears. as they fall you feel touch the ground. I see your hair flowing in the wind, you turn around and blow a kiss. I catch it with whisper.

" I love you and I always will"

and as you turn the key to you car. and you drive away, over and over in my head, I hear the soft sound of brakes, as you turn and come back.

Then I open my eyes. I can't see your face. you''ve left, and with it goes my heart. forever it shall belong to you. If only words could speak of my love for you I would talk forever. yet all I can do is think of you, only for a moment and to make me smile.

Where my smile once laid there is now a grimace. once so full of hope, I am stripped ,I ave nothing, I am bare. naked and cold with nothing but my memory to sheath me and keep me warm. The quiet twinkle of stars as i listen sing of melody of Lindsay, and how the face that once made me laugh, now makes me weep. so I I let the tears conduct my body, thier flow guides my body in an opus of sorrow. and with every note I sing your name. i sing it with my all. every ounce of me aches. as I lie and project myself into a moment that I can remeber, each one more vivid than the last. The way you face would twitchas you laughed, how your eyes would glow when you would see me, how'd they sink when you weren't. They way your hands would hold me as we slept. the soft breath I would feel on my breath was a lullaby yet I Could not sleep in fear I wouldn't hear them. so I would lay in a night time daydream and think of you. They way that your face would ignite a room like an inferno. how you made heart melt.

You are my everything,
every breath I take is for you,
but you're gone and my heart bleeds.


So I leave a trail of memories and butterfly kisses to lead you back to me.

Someday.........someday

- Author

Amongst the stars I lay in destitute in memory of a love long lost,
feeding off a frenzy of emotions my heart begins to bleed.
as the blood trickles. along come the tears. they fall like raindrops upon the windows pane.. pain.
Pain is all I've felt and is all ever known. it's as if I am drowning in a pool of misery, and with the strength of my last breath I scream your name, yet it's nothing more than a whisper. The depths of depression's river overtakes me, as I fall to my end, I close my eyes to see you, yet there is nothing there, curtains fall over my minds windows, and as I draw them open, they are still dark in despair. everything is broken now, everything is still, nothing is as it should be.

I lift my head from it's pillow, for it was all but a dream,
Ever lacking a purpose is this thing we call love. yet why do we need it?
I need you to breath.

---

INDULGENCE

Into the darkness I travel,
Never seeing the light of hope.
Depressing and deep is the hole I which I have fallen
Ugliness and greed over take me
Loathing the thought of rejection
Gruesome visions are all I see of myself
Everything good that once was is now
Non- exisitant.
Carelesness and emptiness are all that
Exist in this world of my own self pity.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but your words can't f***** break me."


As I sit against this frigid wall in the middle of this place, it no longer resembles a place of learning, but a barracks for mindless minion soldiers suffering from mass delusion and conformity. One walks by and then another, then a group, a pack of wild wolves if you will if you will hunting for a new trend to feed on. These lights that shine above me are more like lighting for a play waiting for its players to come and to act what the think they are.

It sickens me.

Each word is that is spoken is just another crude remark or insult against someone else. I can hear the thoughts of many over the few scratches of their pens, thinking about "The game" Time passes slowly in fact too slow, yet no long enough for me to depict an accurate picture of the remorse I feel for these people. Not all but most. Those who would take away the only confidence left in ones damaged ego for the mere satisfaction of knowing they're an asshole.

I hear footsteps, more like the marching of these soldiers following their commander as it calls out orders, who is this commander if not everyone else?

The loud pitter patter plop of boots with untied laces not wanted to be picked up off the floor by their owners in fear that no one will hear the all too familiar sound of it's clashing and realise that someone isn't wearing their "proper footwear".

People are called by their last names as if they were they were their first.. Like a number or More truthfully a barcode, for they have sold themselves to popularity, a sin more ravage the hell itself.

Doors shut on passers by, as they talk as if they've never done it before. And of the same thing over and over and over again. The same subjects that never change, " The game", "The Party" "The Practice". What people can speak of such for so long, they are no longer students, but a cult.

Then on come the "Drinks" one after another they leave their classroom for their sacred right of a drink, They complain, and they wail until they are finally let free to replenish themselves. And what do I see, a walk to the fountain, a press of water against their lips, a quick turn toward the classroom door, to see if they are unnoticed, and then off down the hall to mingle.

Why to people drink if they are not thirsty?

As I stand up to leave I see "The Group" ( names shall not be spoken) as I walk by their are remarks made. Obviously I have offended them by gracing their presence. I walk away. With nothing more than words unspoken on my tongue.

The bell rings, and on come the masses, off to their role call, and back to their ranks.

These walls that trap me

Inside these walls that trap me.
I see a face that has no eyes,
I see a soul that has no spirit.
Inside these walls I see nothing the
nothingness that is me.
I see my reflection.
I see what was, and what never will be.
I see all I have lost.
I see pain,
I see sorrow,
I see sadness.

I am lost, like a soul that lost it's way to heaven,

I am forgotten,